I don't know quite know why but I've had a lot of conversations with friends back home about how we feel like we're growing older so quickly. Whether it be because of random pains or injuries, seeing younger people growing up, or even just looking back at everything in our own lives, we're not the same as we were. Something that I'm made more and more aware of is how time seems to speed up and blur together as you get older. Which brings me to the point. My time here has flown by. I was surprised when I was told how soon I would be heading back to Delhi and, ultimately, back to the US. For me, what has been almost a month has felt more like a week and I'm totally baffled at where all of my moments went.
In all things, though, it has been such a sweet experience.
Real quick can we talk about this? This looks like I'm about to walk into Disneyland. Like, "Oh yeah, WELCOME TO DISNEY DELHI, FOLKS!!" But no. This is just your average Hindu temple during a festival specific to this region of India. Thanks for humoring me.
I've had many more opportunities to spend time with the Boys Mercy Home and at the Oasis of Love. At the Oasis, we've been playing a game similar to Duck, Duck, Goose, but instead you have a rag that you throw to whoever you pick. Even if I'm standing on the sides, I still get chosen. Usually every other turn. And so I'll start running, slowly cause I'm not a monster who steals the fun for these kids, and they'll just sit down. Doesn't matter where, just down they go! There are a couple students there who are learning English, and I've had the pleasure of working with them and giving them stuff to practice. One of them asked how to spell my name, and the next day I show up to half the students wanting to show me that they know how to write my name. They just love having someone who's willing to sit with them, even if you just sit there and spin a plastic watermelon. It's been a very beautiful time!
Over at the Mercy Home, I've also had some very sweet moments. All of the boys are from the same tribe not too far from here, a tribe I've been able to visit and worship with this past Sunday, and they have their own language, songs, and dances. And they LOVE to dance and play around whenever they get the chance! Twice now in my visits, they've taken breaks from whatever they were doing to just dance. The second time, they had me jump into their little circle and dance with them. The dances are repetitive and generally very simple, which lets them have a lot of fun throwing random silly things in. My first time stopping by, they were doing their daily devotions and worship before bed. Each of them would read a passage from the Bible in Hindi and then one of the kids would pray while the others would all softly pray their confirmations or begin praying something tangential. Watching them pray and read and sing in their own traditional tribal manner has been incredible, and, for some of the boys especially, seeing their faith through everything life has thrown at them has been encouraging.
Along with just getting glimpses of their culture and helping them prep for exams, we've also got to teach each other games. They have a small field just behind their house that's mildly crowded with various projects and whatnot. And by that, I mean it's a construction site for a water tank and the entire field is covered with mounds of aggregate and cement and rebar. So we went out there one time and they taught me how to play cricket. There were a couple times that we hit the ball straight at the water tower and the kids had to run through the scaffolding to get it. And then the next time I went, I took a frisbee and taught them how to throw that around and a couple times I watched as they tripped over some of the reinforcement and I was pretty sure they were about to impale themselves. But they were fine with it so we kept playing there.
Each time I've gone to be with them, it's never really been for more than an hour or two. But the time together always seems so full and I never want to leave and they always want to come back with me. And then come back to America with me.
After seeing their tribe, my heart for them grew all the more. Now, there's a big difference between tribes and villages. From my time in Ecuador, I've been more used to the village setup, or communities as we referred to them in Ecuador, where there was a good amount of spacing between the homes and the community center. But it was never more than a few kilometers across the village, with farmland surrounding the area. When I went to visit the tribe, I was standing by the home that was used as a church and was looking out across the field, unable to see where the next closest house was. So the buildings are significantly more spread out with each other. Then I went inside. It was a mud hut, with sheet metal sparsely covering one section of the building and bundles of sticks forming the rest of the roof. I had to duck to get through the doorway. And I had to stay bent down the entire time. There was a main room up front and a wall dividing a back room. The floors were essentially bare dirt and matts were placed in the corner to sleep on. I found out later that this home was more extravagant than normal because the tribal Christians had wanted a nice church and wanted to bless the pastor. Within the past year or two, a full dirt road and bridge was constructed to help transportation around the tribe, and a few wells were dug to provide water with a reduced journey. There were no nearby schools for the kids to go to for an education, and they were only able to eat what they could produce in the fields. If you remember back to when I described what living conditions were at the Mercy Home, you'll remember that they are leaps and bounds better. And by this time next year, they will likely have their own building with even better conditions.
I think one of the big struggles with doing mission work, or at least the one I've experienced in Ecuador and very very faintly here in India, is the mindset that you are close to God because of what you are doing. That the fact that you're abroad, serving to share Christ's love, somehow means that you are doing well in your relationship with God. And then you get complacent, and then things go awry.
Now there are some things that should be known for context. I've long had ideals of the man I want to be, of who I'm trying to shape myself to be. There's even this essay I have typed up on my phone going into detail about some of those things. Some of it has to do with marriage and fatherhood and whatnot, but there is a very large part dedicated to the friend that I desire to be. I wanted to love fiercely, I wanted to make a difference in people's lives, I wanted to matter to people. I yearned to pour out as much love on the people around me in such a way that it inspired closeness. Now keep in mind, these ideals didn't really start manifesting until I left homeschooling and got to VCHS. I honestly had no idea what I was doing making friends, and I don't think much has changed, so there were some friends that I just latched onto. And then in college, it was the same story where I would find people and kinda latch onto them. A lot of those friendships kinda just fizzled out without a word. And so that's become a big fear of mine. Every time I realize that someone important to me might not have a similar regard for me, my mind goes on overdrive. From there, I'm usually launched into a massive sadness and become filled with doubt about what I'm doing and the actual friendships I do have. I begin to think that if I'm putting in all of this work and I still don't matter to those people, what's the point in trying.
Which brings us back to the point. Don't worry, there is one, even though I really enjoy just telling my sorrows without there being a reason for it (Again, why can't we have a designated sarcasm font). When I am abroad, and I begin getting complacent in my place with God, I make less of an effort to be faithful in prayer. I start relying less on God, even though my purpose in serving Him should bring me further into reliance on Him. All the while, my already doubtful and saddened state is only exacerbated because my relationships feel even more distant (and really, disconnected) than I had previously feared them to be. Between my time in Japan, Ecuador, and now India, this much is constant; when my mind loses focus on Christ and instead focuses on the very relationships He has blessed me with, when I begin trying to love people more than I love God, it only removes my effectiveness in loving. "Couldn't the same be said for when you're back in the states?" I hear you say. And you'd be absolutely right, it still happens back in the states, albeit it's less evident.
So what, I actually become inefficient at serving, unable to properly love others because I got a little lax in my pursuit of Christ? Well, yes. It all ties back to how Jesus replied in Matthew 22. The Sum of the Law:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind
Love your neighbor as yourself
This sums up how Christians are to live. Love God and Love Others. It's not love others and love God. Jesus makes it abundantly clear that the first and greatest commandment is to LOVE GOD. Loving others is second, the latter of the two*. You cannot have love for others, a true love for them that knows no bounds, unless you first love God. We are entirely incapable of understanding the depths and complexities of love unless we are able to see the heart of the one who authored. If we try loving others more than or before we love God, we may succeed for a little bit before ultimately falling into failure. If I try to love the people of India, or if I try loving my friends and loved ones back home, more than I love God, I am doomed to fail.
*(keep in mind that you're loving your neighbor as yourself. Trust me, I know how easy it is to ignore/shun yourself and just want to focus on others. It's easy to get caught up on how much one may hate themself. Understand who you are to Christ, precious and dearly loved, and when you love Christ properly, you'll be able to see yourself as He sees you.)
Here we are. Caught at the crossroads of the heart as my time is coming to a close. My how the time has flown. Before you know it, I'll be leaving this city to return to Delhi. Then I'll be in London and DC. And then, home. Returning to whatever life in the states may be. With all of the uncertainties and excitements of not knowing what God has next. I'd be a fool to let that distract me from this place, though. God is doing amazing things here, now, if only I have the courage to look past my own fears and instead fix my eyes on Him.
Hah!
It's funny, back in Ecuador, when things started getting hard, I created a post with that title. "Fix My Eyes." In a year and a half, we've come full circle. What in tarnation am I doing if I don't have my sights set on Him? Empty. That's something I know too well, that emptiness.
Pray for me, for the rest of my time here. Pray that I would be able to run back into the arms of the Father. Pray that my heart wouldn't become so focused on which friendships aren't what they used to be, which friendships are fading away, and would instead be focused on God and the work He has set in front of me. Hey, if you want to go a step further, pray that the doubts and fears of my friendships would be comforted by the very joys and blessings those friendships had once produced, that I would revel in the blessings that God allowed me to experience for a season.
In Christ,
Liam Thompson
P.S. If there's anybody still interested in donating, the link is still open (??? I honestly thought they'd take it down by now!)