Well, this post is a little bittersweet. For a couple reasons. And I’ll be honest, my thoughts still feel a little scattered. Reading over this told affirmed that. Before I go into LLL time (Liam’s Life Lessons), however, let’s just go over the basics.
At the start of the week, July 3rd, we left Riobamba to join the work effort in Sanancahua Grande. We were joined by a work team from Massachusetts, a group of 4 pretty solid guys. This community has experienced serious delays with the process, having waited a couple months for the material orders to go through, and they were extremely excited to get started. Not only that, but the kids seemed to be super excited for the VBS that us interns created for them. Anyway, we would wake up with the roosters in the morning and get to work in the trenches for the entire morning before leaving to join the kids for the afternoon. Day after day, it wasn’t half bad. The work would leave us exhausted, sure, but I feel like I managed to keep up with the natives pretty well. Despite the opportunities and good memories, there was one thing to mar the trip: we had to say goodbye to Emma as she left to return home. There may or may not have been a few moments of tears shed as we said our goodbyes.
On Tuesday, I had my birthday. The missionaries from Germany brought a cake to help celebrate, and I had letters from my family and girlfriend that I got to read. In that new setting, surrounded by so many strangers, I felt so loved. Coming back, I had a video compilation of happy birthday wishes waiting for me, along with various messages. From thousands of miles away, I was so touched and encouraged. I miss home, especially all those incredibly, so very much.
I returned from Sanancahuan on Friday afternoon alone, Victoria had returned earlier in the week. I used that day to recover, to rest and allow myself some time after two weeks of nonstop action. The very next day, I was informed that Victoria had changed her flight from the end of July to this Tuesday. When she leaves tomorrow at noon to travel to Quito, I will be alone. True, I have Ines (my host), the Henrich family, and Efrain (our boss here in Riobamba), but with my vast knowledge of the Spanish language (where is the sarcasm font when you need it?) I will now have two people in this entire city who I can speak with. I don’t know if you can tell, but my mind is still reeling, trying to comprehend the extent with which I will be able to communicate. For the next 5 ½ weeks, I will need to find my way in a foreign country with limited knowledge of the language. This is where we jump right on into LLL time. Ready?
Okay.
I don’t know if you can imagine that situation, of finding yourself on the verge of being alone. Maybe not totally, but pretty darn close. The rest of the day, I dwelled on this fact and was filled with anxiety. I lost the will to do anything that day, and my desire to stay was hugely diminished. Anxiety happens, and yesterday it had a field day.
Almost right away, I had Lisa reminding me to focus my attention on God and to remember to trust in His plan. Then, this morning I decided to watch sermons from Sandal’s church rather than try to barely receive anything at a Spanish church. That’s where the reminders went farther. The message that popped up first was a message on finding joy in the midst of anxiety.
Crazy, right?
It started off by talking about how anxiety, contrary to what practically everybody thinks, can actually be good. It’s a result of not knowing what life will bring, which is one of the things that makes life so beautiful. But anxiety can become a terrible thing if we allow ourselves to dwell on it too much and if it becomes exaggerated. However in all situations, we need to understand that anxiety is an invitation from God. One of the big focuses happened to be my favorite verse which, oddly enough, I had completely forgotten when my mind was in its state. Philippians 4:6-7 says this:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This verse has literally followed me across the globe. The first couple times people started throwing it at me in the states, I thought it was a cool verse. But you know, there are other verses to love more. When I went to Japan and it somehow found me 3 times out there, well then it was getting suspicious that maybe God was trying to tell me something. Fast forward a couple years, with it coming up more than I could count, and it’s getting obvious. Now, here we are and somehow I forgot about that general message and God decided to give me that little slap to remember.
Fun fact: if we focus our thoughts on the problem at hand, the anxiety will grow.
Another fun fact: if we focus our thoughts on God, then it will diminish.
I feel so dumb for allowing that concern to have such a hold on me. But thank God for reminders that help us in such times. Guys, when things arise in your life, the best thing you can do is take it to God. Sometimes, anxieties are an invitation to allow change in our lives, a way of showing you that hey, maybe you should stop/start thinking something or start/stop believing something. Sometimes anxieties are God’s way of inviting us back into His presence when we’ve become so consumed by everything around us. Like a way of getting our attention that there’s something too big for us to handle without God. Whenever an anxiety strikes, I think the most important thing to do is to take everything to God and thank him again and again for all the blessings you have in your life. By doing this I feel like we begin to change our attitudes so that we are able to trust in His plan.
So this next 5 ½ weeks are going to be rough. I’ll be going around a city with only 2 people I can hold an actual conversation with. After I get back from the office, there will be times when I will feel alone and isolated. But thank goodness that I can lay this at His feet, thank goodness that despite all of the possibilities I can rest in the knowledge that He will guide me through it. In good conscious I cannot change the circumstances of my stay here. But I know that if I continue to do it all for God glory, serving as best as I can with as much love as I can, and fix my eyes on Him, then everything will be okay.
While I was writing this, Kings Kaleidoscope's song "Fix My Eyes" popped into my mind. I hope it speaks to you as much as it did to me.